Well it's official I turned 30 yesterday. The normal thing people ask someone when they turn 30 is... So do you feel older? I feel the same, same as always. Same hardships, same dreams, same family, same life. The only thing I could think of on my birthday was the lack of accomplishments or the lack of ongoing of my accomplishments. When I was younger I expected to be married by the time I turn 30. I expected to have a career, happiness. A house.

I am now 30 and live with my fiance with my three sons. We bought a trailer after having a long hard year and a half of unemployment and struggling real hard to make money and stay straight with our bills. Things are looking up. We finally have a roof over our heads, a somewhat reliable car, and we just adopted a dog. Something I've wanted for a long time but couldn't since we were renting.

Things are getting kind of low on the social side of things. Some of my life long friends have forgotten about me or have just matured into down right bitches.  some were just don't have the same interests any more.  I have made some new friends in the past few years but they all turned out being two faced and characters I didn't want to be around no matter how much I wanted a few more close friends to spend time with.  I had made a lot of guy friends and got into promoting bands and shows but since I have met my new fiance he gets so strung out and jealous the first mention of a guy looking, texting, or talking to me. So I no longer have guy friends.  He says that guys just want to be your friend because back in their minds they think one day they will get to hook up with you. And in my past I have found this to be more true than anything else. So i accept the fact of no longer having them around but it also diminishes on my social life.

I have went through many career choices in the past years. I started going to school for human services because my end goal was to be a guidance counselor. I made it to my AA but i have 3 boys and I needed money now so I went into the workforce  to find out that the economy sucked and cuts backs are a major pain in the ass. So I moved on to temp jobs in warehouses and ended up getting a full time job at a call center thinking I could work and end up finding a job while there. I ended up there for 1 year and 2 months.  After that a tattoo shop that I had worked with, with their promoter in festivals was hiring for a shop hand and piercing apprentice. I had no experience except that I had piercings and lots of promotional experience and customer service experience. I interviewed with my now fiance who was the piercer there. We hit it off right away and I came to realize that I was good at body mods. it was my passion and I took great pleasure in it. I loved meeting with customers and feeling like I was part of something and making a difference in peoples lives and leaving my mark on people. it was a great experience, but one shop was going down so me and my fiance left. I got us hooked up in my friends tattoo shop and eventually big egos lead to heads butting and we were walking out. Now I sit here dreaming about doing something that was fun and amazing again only to come to realize that tattoo shops do not hire piercers that have worked in rival tattoo shops and there are no shops open for new piercers. dreams out the door.

so I guess even though turning 30 has not changed anything it made me realize that I do need to get back into my dreams and making them my number one priority... even if it's hard when you have kids because making money and taking care of them comes before anything else and it's finding the time and courage. I guess I also don't know how other people my age feel that are accomplished... are they happy?

I don't know I just feel like some times life could be so much more, so much more worth living.

The effort it takes...

So I started this blog because I did not want to feel like I was trying to get attention on facebook with my thoughts and feelings... I'm not  big on gathering attention. Any way I decided to start blogging to write. It has been along time since I have just sat down and wrote anything. I had all these things I just needed to get out. I don't plan on letting anyone in my life know about this blog. Something all on my own where I don't have to worry about judgement from those in my life. But as I took some time to set up my blog (and having my man get impatient with me using the computer) i have decided to cut it short for today and write it all out tomorrow! Good Night!